I feel tired.


My bones are as tired as the dying cells beneath them.
Each one greying and old.

The hairs on my skin don’t stand up anymore, I don’t want to breath anymore.

My brain isn’t wired the same as everyone else’s.
I feel helpless.
Lord knows what goes on in there, it’s dark and perforated.

The holes are like black ones, sucking out the life and soul.
It’s like cancer, causing endless pain for all until you reach a point when all you are is…cold.

Cold and out alone, my heart lets out a moan, a moan and groan like it’s some old machine, trying to hear that medical measured tone.

A beat. A heart beat,
a chance, a slice of good trying to intervene.

But nothing happens, she’s tired.

Too tired and tried. Too tried and tired.

The storm has finally calmed from its turbulent winds, and now looks for the solemn sky to guide.

I wish for a beat, a chance and a life. A new one, with living cells, not the old beaten ones from a broken past and battered heart.

I wish for the sea, the guide and the calm, I wish for the warm and the real me to come.


One of the most awful moments occurred yesterday. I was sobbing and felt my heart, break into tiny pieces of shattered glass, glue stains tore and broke. 
He said the words I’d only think about in nightmares. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, and shouldn’t be with me at this time. 
We need a break, a space, a time, to grow and develop individually, for a while so that when we rejoin, both are stronger than before. But this break, space it provides then,a vacuum  of space, for all dark things to take place. 
The sad thoughts, the bad thoughts, the ones that make you to cry thoughts. The nostalgic ones, the pretty ones, the funny ones. They all congregate within this space making it so much harder to move on, to detach myself and so I find myself at this moment alone but okay. Okay with being alone, for at the moment I still have hope, that you and I can conquer love.