Birthday Blues

I wonder if she allowed herself to think,
Of the balloons doused in pink,
Of the presents and gifts,
For the the occasions missed.

I let my mind wander,
Just a little longer,
To the idea and dream,
That love is what she means.

My first birth without her,
I hear the song she would mumur.
The ‘happy birthday’ filled with regret.
The fear that I never once met.

I miss her today.
On my birthday.
My mother is absent.
With her my family went.

I wonder if she thought of her first,
I could think of nothing worse.
Than for her to have so willingly forgotten,
The daughter who missed her rotten.

Chance

Its like looking back into the unknown abyss.

What I miss
What I wish.
I never knew where i stood
Other than on the rope that tied the wood.
I know it was hard for you.
But now he flew.

Save me not from the future.
Not from the absence of tutor.

But from the past of lost hope.
Lost hope and tightening rope.

I gave myself a telling to.
I put myself on the line for you.
And how do you repay me?
Not with the chance, love or promise.
But with grief, hate and wish.

So this is the last time i do it,
The last piece now won’t fit.

You’ve had your chance,
Now I shall dance.

Tongue tied

I’ve lost the power to articulate,
My words, my sentence my chords.
Yet in doing so,
I found the phrases to please me so.
Should I have found love,
Should I have found the right words,
I would be able to tell you first,
How the strings wove,
How the hopes dove,
But I can’t tell you,
Partly because I don’t want to,
Admit the reality in which I avoid,
Yet also because I seem to,
Have lost my tongue and heart and the void,
In which my words would bless me.
Now I tell you of my pain,
Which allows me to be free,
And at the same time provides no gain,
For I know,
Should I tell you of my pain and hope,
I would  then be acknowledging the thing,
Which I have spent my entire life avoiding,
So instead I shall tell you of my loss,
The loss which provided me a way to express.
The loss of my heart and its tongue.
The loss of the ability to articulate,
For the young,
How I really feel.
Now we shall all have to wait.
Wait until my ability returns,
Though I doubt it will,
I’ll still not polish the urns.

Always, forever and never.

Will you still remember me?
When the night is long.
Will you still remember me?
When I am far gone.

Forget my blood.
All the tales of before.
They are untrue you see?
I always told you the truth.

By the time you read this,
Your memory of my figure,
Will fade and distort,
But never will my thought.

I always think of all the ways,
You laugh and cried,
Never will I forget,
My oath to you, I made in truth.

I may now have broken that yes.
But remember,
I love you,
Always, forever and never.

Hell’s paradise

I sit. I wait.
Checkmate.
If, either one moves.
We both will lose.
I stand tall.
You lean against the wall.
Our eyes meet.
We see the split fleet.
A whisper. A sound.
I hear my heart pound.
The end is nigh.
Will you for see my lie?
I step. You hold.
The battle grows old.
I fall. You too.
For without me.
There is no you.
We are two soldiers, bound.
Now here we both lie, on the ground.
Time will pass. Memories will fade.
Through Hades’ waters we wade.
A soldier each to their own.
Our deathly covers blown.
Now we rest in peace.
At last. At least.

Unrealistic romance

Love is not permanent. Everlasting,
Immortal or eternal.
Love is a phase, you fall in love
It ends, you move on.
Love is not the meaning of life, it is
A way of merely entertaining ourselves.
Love is a state of mind, love is pretense
And the manifestation of naivety.
I shall never fall in love or
Fall out of love.
I will always be
Alone in my soul. 

I wonder

I wonder why,
You never try,
I wonder why,
You hate a lie.

I wonder why,
You’re so angry and bitter,
I wonder why,
Your eyes don’t glitter,

I wonder why,
They are afraid of you,
I wonder why,
They make you so blue,

I wonder why,
We never came to be,
I wonder why,
We never loved me,

I wonder,
What I did that was so wrong,
I wonder why,
We never got along,

I wonder,
If you will ever see,
I wonder,
If you will ever just be.

Happy feet

Blue eyes,
Pale skin.
Warm smile.
Platonic heart.

No ties.
No win.
No trial.
Head smart.

Known eternity.
Tall future.
Longed paternity.
Feelings mutual.

Begged stay.
Upturned lips.
Short play.
Destined ships.

Dreaded leaving.
Unwritten memories.
Friendship grieving.
Laughable menace.

Thankful passing.
Grateful meet.
Corner turned.
Happy feet.

If we wait

If we wait for daddy,
I am sure he will come,
And save us from mum.

Just be as quiet as a mouse,
And blend into the house.

Mummy’s special drink,
She says it helps her think,
While strange men wink,
And the sirens blink.

But if we wait for daddy,
He can save us from mum,
We just have to wait for him to come.

Hold me

Hold me little one,
Until the sun come,
Hold me,
With cheeks as soft as satin
And hands as warm as fire.

Hold me little one,
While we wait on mum,
Hold me,
With breathing deep and live
And us tum to tum.

Hold me little one,
When the storm come,
Hold me,
With eyes of care and hope
And the nightmare done.

Hold me little one,
While I hold you,
In this night until the sun come,
And the sky matched your eyes of true.

Hold me little one,
Until the sun come,
Hold me into tomorrow,
And promise to never let go.